I am BACK! It has been a long while since I have sat down and just started writing. I have all these thoughts and ideas going around my head throughout the day..days..months..and I haven’t stayed true to the blog!! It has been a busy couple months since we last spoke. School, Football, Soccer, Halloween and now Thanksgiving. OH and WE’RE HAVING A BABY!
The real reason I have not been able or wanting to blog is due to the fact that I have been the most miserable, depressed, sick person for the past 3 months. Let me take a step back into something a little more personal here on how all this came about.
My husband battled Osteosarcoma when he was 10 years old and it is a blessing he came out with only10 surgeries, chemo and a wonderful lengthy life to live. However, when he was in college he was told he would probably never be able to have children of his own due to the chemotherapy he received and age of his developing body. Fast forward numerous years when we met…the best day of his life I am sure 🙂 I had 2 beautiful little ones…Henley was just 7 months old and Liam was 1 week past 3. I knew the minute we started talking he loved children. He adores kids, all kids, even ones that are not his. After dating for 2 and a half years it was known we would eventually get married and my children would become his. But I knew that deep down, even though he said that would be enough…he wanted a wee one of his own. Me, being the woman…wanted to give this to him so so very badly! I knew I wanted more kids and that we both wanted a large family someday to huddle around a Christmas tree with. We knew we had time so we didn’t push anything or feel the need to be concerned yet.
Our lives were leading us into the direction of thinking of another child at this time. We had been happily married for nearly a year and our oldest, Liam, was going to be 7 in the coming months and our youngest, Henley was going to be 5. The discussion was easy, quick and joyful. Yes, we would start trying for a baby in the next few months. Now this whole event in our lives comes as very new territory for me. Blessed as I am with two healthy beautiful children…I had never planned ahead for them 😉 I had never had to due math, calculations, timing, and gymnastics to get a child before! After a month I figured OK well we should be pregnant by now. And when we weren’t…I would secretly be disappointed. After another month, I would almost cry..that doubt and fear we both had only grew stronger. The third month came and went even with extreme calculations on my end. The question of “How did I possibly get pregnant before?!” truly was a mystery to me. I had no clue how difficult physically and mentally this process would be.
[side note: I do NOT want to discredit people who actually do go through years of trying to conceive and years of medical help and interception. I am very grateful for my children that I do have and I do realize there are SO many others in worse positions..this is just my story. ]
And the fourth month arrives. My mother’s questioning ear every time she calls is getting more depressing and my close friend’s are as positive as they can be. I was done being disappointed every time I peed on a $15.00 plastic stick. I no longer wanted to make it such a BIG thing in my life that the 5 days leading up to a period was as nerve racking as ever!! So this month I told myself I was not going to tell a soul when my period was due, if I felt any early symptoms or not and I was just going to put it in the back of my mind. This worked quite well considering my period was due the day after school started for both my kids. I had been with my husband’s aunt all day and we had touched briefly on how hard it was waiting to conceive and she was mentoring me with her own stories. I came home, kissed my husband goodbye as he left to go to his fantasy league (lol) and I went upstairs to get ready for my night out with my mother-in-law..she was taking me to The Eagles concert! I have NO idea what made take a test at that precise moment considering I was only 2 days late…and had NO symptoms at all. I literally sat it down on the counter and walked away. I returned…flipped on the light…literally rolled my eyes and said out loud to myself..”oh surprise..another negative…” I hadn’t even looked at it yet. But as I did, I would soon see a light second line that made my heart come out of my chest. Getting to experience that excitement, overjoy and happiness was the coolest thing I could imagine. I had not gotten to experience that reaction in the past..and it was long awaited.
Of course the months leading up to this I had been on Pinterest looking up cute ways to tell my husband, family and friends. I had it all planned out how to tell Brent all cute. NO WAY. I ran to get my phone, hands shaking uncontrollably. “BRENT BRENT BRENT. WE’RE HAVING A BABY!!!!!” Brent: “What? huh” What did you say?” Me: “WE ARE PREGNANT!” (my high pitched squealing voice was not going through very well on the receiving end) Brent: “Are you serious? I did it?!” At that moment I wanted to cry. Not only could we share this moment of complete excitement together…but this was something much much more for him. The years of feeling doomed and not manly enough to do what he wanted to do..and cursing the Cancer that made it impossible for him to do so. I could only imagine what that moment felt like for him.
Telling his parents might have been even more awesome. A mother who had to watch her son fight for his life at such a young age and now watch him be tormented with the thought of that too taking away something so important for him. When we told her.. the tears and joy on her face were overwhelming for me. I felt so proud to be carrying such an important little person!!
Now fast forward 3 months…Brent has been hands down the best partner, husband, friend to a pregnant lady I have ever known. I have been a nightmare. Nauseated 24/7, vomiting some days all day long and unable to get out of bed. Washing dishes, vacuuming, cleaning, cooking and raising 2 children while I moan in bed and over the toilet. He has not complained….ONCE. He only asks what he can do, and how he can make me feel better. As awful as this is for him to see me in such rare form…he knows it is because I am busy making something he created…and he is in awe.
Being pregnant twice in your life and going through labor twice in your life kind of makes you feel like a know it all. I feel more confident this time around with things, and like I kind of, somewhat know what I’m doing. I really don’t though. This pregnancy could not be more polar opposite of my last two. I had perfect, no vomiting, no breast tenderness, no constipation pregnancies two times over before this. Why would it be any different, I thought. HA. Any and every symptom you could imagine and read about, or watch in a movie has been this pregnancy. I have been the most anti social person for 3 months, my kids don’t even recognize me anymore!! Mommy is sick and can’t make you food, bathe you or play with you has been a daily event. They think this baby is mean at this point.
Welcoming the second trimester now and only threw up once this morning. This must be the start of feeling better 🙂 We still have a long road to go but I am so thankful I get to walk it with my positive, nurturing husband. I feel so blessed to get to go through this part of life again. I know what is at the end of this journey and I am so excited to start loving another little child as much as I do it’s siblings.
To not feel alone through all of this I have been following a Youtube vlogger and fellow blogger. She is on her second pregnancy just 4 weeks ahead of me and I watch her videos and read her blogs daily. There is something so comforting about knowing someone is going through the exact same thing in their life and getting tips and advice is wonderful. She shared the thoughts and feelings most people are too embarassed or afraid to do and for that I am thankful. Her, her husband, their daughter Emelia and their 6 dogs have a Youtube show they update daily in Ireland. I highly suggest checking it out, even if you are not pregnant. Just click the link below to be linked to her blog and there you can find links to their youtube sites.
http://www.annasaccone.com
Stay tuned for more pregnancy adventures and a gender reveal right before Christmas!!
(don’t mind the naked child…she gets messy so easily)!
Vibrantly Living 
